Two Days With Halle Berry...

This is the cover to the latest issue of Esquire Magazine.

It asks, "If YOU had TWO DAYS with HALLE BERRY, WHAT would YOU do?!?"



My answer:
Try to get her out of those panties.

Rejected alternative answers:
Ask her to show me her "Razzie".
Not mention "Catwoman"
Do it.
Show her my "Monster Balls".
Keep her pants hidden in the freezer.
Long awkward hugs.
Have her call Rosario Dawson and talk her into coming over. Try to get them to kiss. If they do, my head esplode.
Dry-hump.
Disprove Chris Rock's theory about how "even the guy who is fuckin' Halle Berry, eventually gets tired of tappin' that ass!"
Strip Jenga.
Halo Tournament.Then Do It.
Prank call Ray Park, "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?" Hang Up!
Pretend like we have anything in common; Make awkward small talk.
Screw.
Discuss each other's feelings and really relate to each other as non-sexual, empotionally-rich, vibrant human beings...in the 69 position.